Running For President

  I have been thinking of running for President.  I figured at this point why not?  Everyone else is right?  However there are some things that I have to think about.  Privacy as I know it would be gone.  My family life, gone.  I would have to leave my present position and tell my clients that I'm going to be a bit busy for the next four years.  People would talk about me negatively everyday (this I don't care about).  My picture would be taken everyday and get to be on the cover of magazines and in the newspaper.  I think I get a mistress but I am not sure of this (the First BlackOps would not be down with this).  Though my stress level would increase, I still have to change diapers at 2am--well by the time I got elected it wouldn't be a problem.  I get to have a bunch of guys guarding me all the time but I think I would do a much better job taking care of myself.  I would have to pretend to be nice to people I really don't like.  I wont be able  to use the word "fuck" when I'm talking in public anymore.  I would like to be able to blog still with my people--though something tells me some adviser would urge me not too.  I would have to travel a great deal of which I don't mind however I have to make sure Air Force One has a nice  big comfortable chair for me--seats in coach just aren't big enough for me.

I suppose I would get to make up a bunch of rules and laws and start calling the shots for the U.S. of A.  Talk about the pressure.  I think my salary would be upwards of 350K a year of which I particularly am not fond of since I enjoy making my own money and don't like being restricted by a salary.  I would make weekly visits to the New York Stock Exchange (its seems to be the only place on the planet the President is cheered and applauded like crazy).  I would make lots of references to President Reagan.

I guess could go on and on about the pros and cons of doing that job--I have come to the conclusion that its something better left to the folks that really aspire to do it and could make it work.  Me, I like taking it easy--being President is not a take it easy kind of job.

Comments

[Red Stapler]

As your campaign adviser, I would also encourage kissing babies (you have plenty of experience there!). Emphasize your military experience, and your opponents' lack thereof. Invoke Lincoln as often as you can. Apple Pie, Family, The right to arm bears, etc. Never mention the sight of Momma Ops' hoochie (the horror, the horror!). I think we can win. Hillary never had an orgasm and it shows. She's too bitter. I don't know about Obama. Can't trust a man named Obama anyway... sounds too much like OSAMA for my liking. I have to decline running as your VP (ask Travis!), but I insist on being your press secretary and being set up in a penthouse office in Las Vegas staffed by Vivid Girls.

[BlackOps]

Red,
Damn, damn, damn, you are too freakin funny. I actually had you in mind as an adviser and a cabinet position that I was going to just make up. Yes, Lincoln is a great idea, he is actually my favorite President (which is why I used his picture)--I can most definitely oblige my press secretary with all of his predilections. Hmmmm....I will have to visit Travis. OH that thing about my mom was maaaaad funny. Funny thing I was at my moms house last weekend for a BBQ and had to use the bathroom and I noticed that it needed some work and of course the first thing I thought of was that incident and BANG you just reminded me of that again LOL.

[Dorioo]

When the aliens come pick me back up, they are going to ask if earth is worthy of being saved. And I will say no. They will beam me up and the earth with be destroyed.

Unless...you're president. Then I may think twice about it.

pEace.

[BlackOps]

Dorioo,
No worries, I am sure if the earth is destroyed, the people that live on it will survive, we will overcome, we will not go quietly into that dark night. Apparently the aliens havent seen all of the movies that we have seen over the years where the human beings ban together and overcome everything thrown at them. Yes, we are bloodied but undeterred by our focus and willingness to survive. (someone que some patriotic music at this time). Of course let us not forget, the Almighty would not allow some third rate Earthling wanna bees butcher us into the ground. Yea though I walk through the valley........

[Dorioo]

Damm, that got totally lost in translation. Let me clarify:

I am an alien. The aliens are going to come pick me back up at some point. When they do, they will have weapons that will vaporize the whole planet. They will ask me if the earth is worth saving. I will say "No" and everything will be vaporized. Poof. Gone.

Hard to form a resistance when you're in the form of an atom.

However, if you are president at the time, I may reconsider.

pEace.

[BlackOps]

Dorioo,
No worries there as well. As El Presidente and leader of the Resistance I always have a Plan B. I kind of thought maybe thats where you were going--since we already know you are an alien and must be of some importance to your "people" since they have to come back and pick you up, well we can fight them at their own game, we wouldve already taken you by surprise and surgically implanted an undecteble bomb of mass destruction and bibical proportions into your rectal area. As soon as you were retrieved, reaching a certain height within the atmosphere would trigger and chain reaction whereby your body would explode a deadly toxin that incapacitated the entire crew of your ship and created a super virus that reached the other ships. You would all then be rendered mindless slaves and be subject to mind control of NASA. Your ships would then be under our control and we would land them here on our safe planet Earth and you and your people would basically be one of two things food for the poor and needy as in Soylent Green and a new fossil fuel to help us curb our dependency on foreign oil. (Que credit and music please)

[Dorioo]

Ok. To avoid having large object stuck up my ass, I will spare the Earth.

pEace.

[BlackOps]

LOL!!