GONE UNDERGROUND

The Untold Stories

I often think back to the many stories (actually hundreds) that I CANNOT or WON'T tell here in a blog.  Some of them sad, some exciting, some provocative, and some just so down right unbelievable, I wont even bother trying to tell anyone about them.  You just wont believe it.  So I often ponder some of the things that can be believed or wouldn't have to feel the need to change the names to protect the guilty (not to mention things like the statute of limitations and lawsuits that could follow).  I know I started telling many stories when I began this blog--telling those stories have dissipated because of the razors edge that I run across in telling a new one.

So there I am standing on one side of a deep chasm wondering how do I get there from here, how can I divulge what I know without releasing the anonymity of myself and others in telling those stories.  I have figured out this much, in many of those stories I can be made a hero, an asshole, brilliant, a monster, a criminal, the nice guy, stupid, or just plain crazy (there are other words I could use but then again there is that line I am not willing to cross to divulge the unbelievable).  I imagine you would form your own opinions.

Recently a "business associate" of mine decided to email me and many others a link.  The link was to a book on Amazon.com, it was link to a book that he had written.  I imagine it was to gloat about how he had written a book.  No, not jealous, just a bit of an eyebrow raiser since I know this man doesn't have the mental capacity to write a book.  I figured it was ghost written.  Anyway my first thought was a line from the movie, The DaVinci Code.  There is a line in there that is the central theme of the movie, "so dark the con of man" is the line.  I couldn't help but think of this when I saw what he had "written".  It was a book about a man's journey with God in the business world.  Well it hit me quickly that this man is a con man, he has no integrity, and some how he figured out how to get a book published because of his bullshit.  I guess I can go on and on about this perpetrator but that is not my point.  My point is this, if this clown can write a book why cant I?  Its a thought that I have been thinking about for at least ten years now and haven't figured out why I never done so up to now.  Am I procrastinating, am I lazy, am I suffering from fear of failure or success, I dont really know.  I do know I need to come to grips with whatever it is and begin what I know is a deeply hidden goal.  I just need to some how dig it out.  Who knows maybe I will be able to tell the true story of what happened to a Marine who  shot........; what happened in that bar in the Phillipines; or the night I saw........no, not going there.

Been Out Of Order

My blog has been down for a couple of days and I have finally got it up and running the way it should be.  I am still in the process of making some changes though and thats going to take some time.

Two things, the other day my wife and I had a disagreement (mostly me) about our son, Jordan (my 3 year old) and the time he spends or doesn't spend with kids his age.  Fate later had a hand that day.  That afternoon Jordan and I took a walk to the beach, its only a couple blocks away and met with a family who were crabbing on the pier and the only ones around at all.  We started chatting it up, Jordan started playing with their two toddler girls (they were his age).  I come to find out they live just down the block from us and have a 4 year who was not with them at the time, he was visiting with a family member.  Well make a long story short, I made a play date with the husband and wife to bring my son Jordan over later that evening.  My wife and I went over and found that he and the other little boy have everything in common and they instantly became inseparable.  The extent of their mutual interests was uncanny.  Anyway Jordan made a solid friend and we also made some friends as well.  Ironically, my wife and the husband had already met from walks of our respective dogs.  So small world or not so small. 

I couldn't help but think of my tirade earlier that day--it brought to mind the old adage, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.  In this regard, our son purely came out the winner.

Thanks to RED or else I would've never known otherwise since I am so damn busy--Charles Lindbergh is dead.  No, not that Lindbergh (no relation between the two) but the last remaining survivor of the first flag raising on Iwo Jima in World War II.  Its a big deal in our house since I am a former Marine and our daughter, Jima is named such because of this event.  It is a reminder of what was and whats important.  He is gone but not forgotten.  On another note we also learned that the Japanese have changed  the name of Iwo Jima to Iwo To.  Again newsworthy in our house for obvious reasons.  We will not be changing our little Jima's name to "To".

Its My Second Year

Well I am finally sitting here relaxed on my couch with a cool breeze blowing in my face.  I am decompressing as well as reminiscing about the last two years of "speaking" to people I have never met.  I am decompressing because I started (yes, I started it) a heated exchange in the diner this morning after we got out of mass.  It was about our son.  I suppose it was not the time and place but I keep it real, I am not one to keep up appearances but at the same time I do appreciate my privacy.  We still haven't said a word to each other since then even as she is laying on the other couch about two feet from me reading a magazine.  After we got home I had to go out to the auto store to pick a few items for my car and hers as well.  I have replaced and filled all of the the little knick knacks that needed changing and filling.

Anyway two years ago I started typing away into the blogosphere not knowing what would happen or where it would lead.  I originally started on Blogger with the now defunct Sojourner Browny blog but came over to Typepad since I felt they had more to offer as far as what I needed from blogging--it was also then I changed the name to Gone Underground as well.  I have "met" many people here in the sphere that I thought would not be possible because of the uniqueness of the Internet and how impersonal it could be sometimes.  That turned out not to be so true for me.  Much of what I have learned could fill volumes so I won't try to say it all here.  I have learned quite though about me which probably goes without saying.  There  were things I knew about me already but were confirmed by things I actually said and then there were things I didn't know.  I didn't realize the latitude of my respect for what other people thought and said in their blogs, I underestimated myself you could say.  Not to say I could rationalize in my mind that it is or isn't okay for someone to think a certain thing but everyone DOES have their own opinion and somehow it CAN be rationalized to BE okay for them to say or write whatever they want to write.  I suppose before I started blogging I would've thought this person or that person is just plain out of their damn mind and don't want to hear another word about it.  I really hope this is all making sense.

Anyway I want to invite everyone for cake and coffee (uh hem....Cathy), AND beer (RED), and tea (I think thats your drink of choice Alix) and whatever the rest of you guys drink....Ant, Posh, Wendy, Carolyn, Space, Jen, Space, Randy, Marrie, Jack, and Frank (relax).  Oh yeah and some music.

And the Poops have it

Okay, some of you may know what its like to potty train a toddler--its not easy, well I think I may have found a way or maybe just a variation on a theme to get him do it willingly.  The other day like any other day my 3 year old son (who can be very stubborn about pooping) made a poop in his little potty.  No big deal, right?  Well after much of these random poops or whenever he feels like it kind of things, it finally hit me.  I suppose most folks like to use a reward of some sort but since my camera sits out 24-7 on my kitchen counter, I thought it would be a great idea to take a picture of it and then have him hang it on his wall, sort of a trophy for his "work".  Well he seemed to love that idea and after 3 days of doing this, he appears to be really diggin' it.  He is actually saying he is excited about making poop and now "loves to make poop". 

Hopefully you don't have to be a parent to understand this but this is a big step in the right direction for us.  He has decided to hang his most recent work in the bathroom over the toilet paper roll.  I suppose this makes sense since it will coax him to push out another when its time.

BTW....thats number 3 in the picture.

FOR THE RED-STAPLER

These are for Red-Stapler.  Many thanks to him.

Yeah if told you why, then I would have to kill ya.  This will have to be between me and the Stapler.

NOT to Depress You

I am being tested or being beaten down.  If you are walking down the street and see a five dollar bill on the floor, is it a test or is it a blessing.  I suppose it depends on your perspective.

I write this not to depress anyone but to find perspective.  Within the last couple of months my brother lost his 12 year old daughter (my niece) to a brain aneurysm; a business associate of mine lost his 27 year old son back from Iraq to a heart attack while he was jogging in the neighborhood; a close friend of mine just lost his 36 year old son to a heart attack and had already been suffering from organ failure; and one of my best friends has had sex abuse allegations made against him--he is being wrongfully accused and his reputation has been sent to hell.  He is a public figure and is being royally screwed by a family looking for a pay day.  No one believes the allegations because everyone knows my friend, he is NOT this kind of person.  Anyway defending him is not the point.

Seems like every other week someone close to me has needed someone to lean on, namely me.  I have been through the loss of my son some years ago and I suppose it qualifies me to be there for those that have lost theirs.  As far as my friend being accused, I can tell you this, I CAN be there for him as well.  I don't know what all this means that I have to be or can be there for all those close to me.  I know at some point or another two of these individuals have been there for me when I was down on the canvas.  I look back at my life and see the pain inflicted on me physically, mentally, and spiritually over the last (almost) 45 years--no, no, not a pity party, just a reality check for the dysfunctional freakazoids I have lived with growing up and had to deal over the years.  Now I am in the process of "fixing them" and "fixing us".  There doesn't seem like there is anyone in my family that is capable of taking on this job except me.  So onward I trudge to see if it can be done.  In the meantime my mind is bombarded with all of the tragedy taking place in and around my life.

So I say again, in fear of being confusing with all this stuff, is this all a test or is it a blessing?  And, what kind of perspective am I to get or should I get?

What MORON?

Okay my wife isn't home right now and its evening time and I'm home alone and I'm hungry.  However I'm pretty lazy right now and I don't feel like getting into making a "serious" meal.  Yeah I can cook but I don't feel like it.  So I check the fridge and check for leftovers, nope there aren't any.  I check the freezer, I see there are some various varieties of frozen things I can make pretty quickly.  I spot a box called Tony's Pizza, its a one person dinner and appeared like something that I would like, I say yeah thats what I'll have.

I take it out and and I look on back for directions for how I want to make it, meaning am I in the mood for oven cooking or microwave cooking.  Well I must tell you I was shocked to see the very first line in the directions section of the box.  Do you believe this crap--COOK BEFORE EATING.  Yes, I couldn't believe my eyes, I thought I was checking out a joke box or something my wife left me but there it was.  This box of pizza was dead serious.  Okay, what moron has attempted to eat the pizza in its frozen state?  Someone attempting to eat this frozen is the only way I can explain why the company had to put it there in the first place. 

Hmmm....this pizza seems to be a bit hard, crunchy, and cold--don't you think that might be a clue or the fact as you hold it and its cold and looks frozen.  No matter, I ate mine after cooking it in the oven for 21 minutes at 400 degrees.  It tasted fine and I was full.

Running For President

  I have been thinking of running for President.  I figured at this point why not?  Everyone else is right?  However there are some things that I have to think about.  Privacy as I know it would be gone.  My family life, gone.  I would have to leave my present position and tell my clients that I'm going to be a bit busy for the next four years.  People would talk about me negatively everyday (this I don't care about).  My picture would be taken everyday and get to be on the cover of magazines and in the newspaper.  I think I get a mistress but I am not sure of this (the First BlackOps would not be down with this).  Though my stress level would increase, I still have to change diapers at 2am--well by the time I got elected it wouldn't be a problem.  I get to have a bunch of guys guarding me all the time but I think I would do a much better job taking care of myself.  I would have to pretend to be nice to people I really don't like.  I wont be able  to use the word "fuck" when I'm talking in public anymore.  I would like to be able to blog still with my people--though something tells me some adviser would urge me not too.  I would have to travel a great deal of which I don't mind however I have to make sure Air Force One has a nice  big comfortable chair for me--seats in coach just aren't big enough for me.

I suppose I would get to make up a bunch of rules and laws and start calling the shots for the U.S. of A.  Talk about the pressure.  I think my salary would be upwards of 350K a year of which I particularly am not fond of since I enjoy making my own money and don't like being restricted by a salary.  I would make weekly visits to the New York Stock Exchange (its seems to be the only place on the planet the President is cheered and applauded like crazy).  I would make lots of references to President Reagan.

I guess could go on and on about the pros and cons of doing that job--I have come to the conclusion that its something better left to the folks that really aspire to do it and could make it work.  Me, I like taking it easy--being President is not a take it easy kind of job.

Just An Observation

I was driving along on my way to the post office to pick up some stamps and drop off a package when I noticed a young man (from what I could tell) giving something or someone obscene gestures, "the finger" so to speak and many other things with his hands and arms.  We were going along the same direction and his truck was in front of mine, so I could see all of this take place.  He appeared to be alone in the truck as well.  He seemed quite bent on making sure his feelings were felt through these gestures.  At first I thought he was motioning to someone he may have known, then I thought he was really pissed off at someone walking on the street.  Then I looked to my left and there was a church there.  A Christian based church, I don't remember the actual name of it.  However I also noticed just to the right of the church on the lawn there was a cross with a purple cloth on it and that cross had two other crosses on either side of it.  Obviously it was a symbol for the Crucifixion of Christ and the two that died with him that day.  They were approximately ten feet tall, so anyone passing could obviously see what it was.

Now after watching this guy go through all of this trouble to make his feelings known to the world, I noticed he several bumper stickers--ALL of them centered around satanic worship.  So I figured there was my answer, sort of.  I honestly must say my first reaction was to get out of my car and punch him in the face but I didn't.  I suppose Jesus Christ would not have wanted me to behave that way, not that I would under any other circumstances, I mean you just cant go around punching people in the face, right?  Then I thought he was just some stupid asshole and doesn't really know how to conduct himself in public.  So I settled for that since I particularly didn't feel like going to jail--I mean he is entitled to his opinion I suppose.  I just thought it really odd for someone to display so much hate so openly and probably didn't even really know why he was doing it himself.

I Sold My Baby

To coin a phrase, its the end of an era. 37 years of taking pictures using film is over.  I sold my most recent baby (no not that baby)--Contax N1.  Man, it took the best pictures and did make me some money as well.  Recently I did a photo job for a friend, I particular do not like taking pictures for pay because it sort of takes the enjoyment out of it.  However this time this job went off without a hitch.  I got paid some pretty decent money too.  However my primary was a digital Canon SLR that I borrowed from a relative since I was going to have produce pictures in hand as per my deal with the subjects, a graduating nursing class.  No RED, no hot nurses to speak of, well none that I saw anyway.  I did end up using my Contax since I blew through all of my memory on the Canon. 

The end result was I got paid and the nurses got their pictures on the spot; candid shots I took I put on a website so they could go on there later and purchase pictures I took of them during the graduations ceremony--so as of today I still have folks going onto the site to buy pictures and my work has been done for a couple of weeks now.  Another thing is my profit margin was cut into by processing, developing, printing, and mailing.  The cost effectiveness of the whole digital thing just blew the film out of the water.  So did what I had to do and put all of Contax stuff on Ebay and it was gone in less than a few hours.

What I got with the fundage was a new Nikon D200 and this baby hums.  It does everything I need it to do and more.  I still miss my baby though.  It took great pictures.  I think it time I will go back to film but not completely.  I am still trying to recognize the challenge in taking digital pictures when almost anything can be fixed later with editing software, shit any knucklehead can fix a picture.  I suppose I am still trying to get use to the instant gratification of it all.

Other than that the family has been fine, life is good, and my real baby keeps a smile on my face.